(Untitled)

The robins look cold and pissed off today.

Flashback to a few weeks ago, someplace warm and lovely down south. A robin hops across a green lawn, eye to the ground. It spears a worm, and triumphantly holds it aloft.

"That my friend, is a fine catch. A fine catch indeed!"

A second robin hops into the frame, with slicked back feathers under his straw boater. The robin with the worm looks at him suspiciously.

"Yes, indeed, a fine catch," the newcomer continues, "Why. I've only seen a catch like that in--" He looks around nervously.

The first robin frowns at him. "what?" He asks around the worm in beak.

"Beg pardon?" The second robin smiles nervously.

"What were you about to say?"

"What? Nothing! I said--" he glances around and then whispers, "Look, buddy, can you keep a secret?"

"What kind of secret?"

"Listen, Jack. I just got back from an amazing place. Worms are literally throwing themselves up out of the soil. They're so thick, you walk on their backs instead of the ground."

The first robin's eyes go wide.

"I've never seen anything like it," the second robin continues. "I ate so much that I had to stop eating for a week. Can you imagine?"

The first robin is imagining, but he says, "Sounds too good to be true."

The robin in the boater smiles at him, "See, I could tell you had taste from that fine catch you made, but I didn't realize that you were smart as well!" He puts a wing across the first robin's shoulder, and gestures towards the other robins hunting worms on the green lawn.

"These other birds, they ain't visionaries like you and me. They wouldn't be able to see this opportunity for what it is."

"They wouldn't?"

"No, sir. You, my friend, are a rare bird, a rare bird indeed. I like you, and I'll tell you what I'm going to do."

"I'm going to tell you where this place is, and you can see for yourself."

Suddenly, a third robin pops up between them. "Hey, what's going on here? What place?"

The robin in the boater looks flustered, "What? Nothing!" He turns to the first robin and says, "The deal's off!"

The third robin looks at the two of them suspiciously. "What deal?"

The robin in the boater sighs. "This is what I was afraid of." He nods sadly to the first robin, "So long, friend. I'm off to a place where I'll never go hungry again. I wish you could have joined me."

"Wait!"

The first robin says, "Take me with you!"

The third robin cries, "Where?"

A fourth robin hops up, larger and older with grey feathers, "What's all the commotion here? What's this ruckus?"

"Who might you be, sir?" The robin with the boater asks.

"I'm the mayor!"

"Of course."

The third robin points at the first two, "These two are in cahoots! Something about a place where a bird never goes hungry!"

"Balderdash!" Says the Mayor. "Poppycock!" Says the Mayor. "Birds always go hungry! That's the way it is!"

"Wait," says the first robin, "He's right."

"It's true, Mayor," says the first robin, worm still hanging from his beak. "He knows a place where there are worms aplenty. He was about to tell me."

"My friend!" the robin in the boater says nervously, "What are you doing?"

"Is this true?' The Mayor thunders at him. He nods.

"By thunder, tell us!" Cries the Mayor. "We could feed the whole flock!"

A crowd of robins have gathered around them. They start chanting, "Tell us! Tell us!"

"Friends, friends! Please!" The robin in the boater holds up his wings. "I would if I could, but I can't!"

"Balderdash!" The Mayor thunders. "What do you mean you can't!"

"He can't, Poppa!" Cries a young robin.

"Mind your phraseology!"

"Ye gods!"

"Friends," says the robin in the boater, "I am being honest with you. I cannot share the secret with all of you."

"If I did," he continues, "There would be no worms left for me."

"Well, take this one," says the first robin, dropping his worm at his feet.

"One worm, versus all I can eat?" He shakes his head, "No deal."

"We'll all give you our worms," shouts the Mayor.

"Yes! Yes!" Cry the other robins, "All our worms!"

"Well," the robin in the boater thinks about it, "If you insist…"

"We insist! We insist!" Cry the robins.

"What is going on here!" A prim female robin bursts into the circle.

"Who might you be?"

"The Librarian."

"Pay her no mind!" Thunders the Mayor, "We'll give you our worms! Just tell us!"

"Don't give him your worms!"

"Madam," the robin with the boater says, "I can see that you are a bird of intelligence."

"And I can see that you're a shyster!"

"Madam!"

"Poppycock! Balderdash! Don't listen to her," the Mayor waves a derisive wing at the Librarian, "She's the reason we're stuck in this wormless wasteland in the first place!"

"Wormless! You've been eating so well!"

"Yeah, but he knows where there are more worms!"

"Here's my worm! Here's mine!" The flock begins tossing worms at his feet.

"Humph!" The Librarian snorts.

"There, you have your worms," says the Mayor, "Now, tell us!"

The robins gather around him.

"My friends," he says, "It's a wonderful place, magical place. Iowa!"

"Iowa! Iowa!" The robins chant, "Iowa!"

"Well, you have your worms," the Librarian grumps, "I suppose now you'll leave, never to be seen again."

"Madam, you wound me. How could I leave one with such lovely eyes, such a red breast?"

"Oh my!"

"Ye gods!"

"Phraseology!"

So the robin in the boater led the flock to great worm hunting grounds of Iowa.

Cut back to today. The robin in the boater sits next to the Librarian in the cold March drizzle.

"You goddam son of bitch."