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“However, considered from the viewpoint of distance and depth, interpersonal relationships of work may be said to have the lowest hurdles. Interpersonal relationships of work have the easy-to-understand common objective of obtaining good results, so people can cooperate even if they don’t always get along, and to some extent
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“Adler made three categories of the interpersonal relationships that arise out of these processes. He referred to them as “tasks of work,” “tasks of friendship,” and “tasks of love,” and all together as “life tasks.” The three categories of Life Tasks: tasks of work; tasks of friendship; tasks of love.
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“anger is a form of communication, and that communication is nevertheless possible without using anger. We can convey our thoughts and intentions and be accepted without any need for anger. If you learn to understand this experientially, the anger emotion will stop appearing all on its own.” We can get
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“When you are challenged to a fight, and you sense that it is a power struggle, step down from the conflict as soon as possible. Do not answer his action with a reaction. That is the only thing we can do.” There is no good way to resolved a power
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“on the same level playing field, there are people who are moving forward, and there are people who are moving forward behind them” It’s not a race. One person’s life at particular moment in time has little relationship to yours at the same moment in time. There are
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“In our culture weakness can be quite strong and powerful” People can use their weakness to get an accommodation for that deficit, balancing power. But you can also use your weakness to tip the balance of power, make the more powerful serve you. We want to help each other, and
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“those who make themselves look bigger on borrowed power are essentially living according to other people’s value systems—they are living other people’s lives” If you make yourself feel superior by using your relationship to someone else, then you are using someone else’s value system, someone else’
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“Adlerian psychology is a psychology of courage. Your unhappiness cannot be blamed on your past or your environment. And it isn’t that you lack competence. You just lack courage. One might say you are lacking in the courage to be happy.” Finding the courage to be happy, to allow
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“Lifestyle is the tendencies of thought and action in life” Instead of positing the personality and the ego as a static inherent function, instead look at a person’s actions and words, and see the character that is revealed. Since the lifestyle is shaped by thought, it can be changed.
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“In Adlerian psychology, we describe personality and disposition with the word “lifestyle.” This posits that personality is something that we manufacture and something that we can change. Sounds very similar to masking. Excerpt From: Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga. “The Courage to Be Disliked.” Atria, 2018-05-08. Apple Books.
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“once the interpersonal relationship reaches the revenge stage, it is almost impossible for either party to find a solution. To prevent this from happening, when one is challenged to a power struggle, one must never allow oneself to be taken in” All struggles/competitions end up with the loser in
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“when you feel genuinely angry due to another person’s words or behavior, please consider that the person is challenging you to a power struggle.” If you give in and get angry, you are now in a competition. If you refuse to play, no one can win. Excerpt From: Ichiro