Along Came January

Hey dork farmers, how’s it going? It’s been a little while. January took some of the stuffing out of me for a bit there, but we seem to be pulling out now. I somehow created technical issues with my blog by trying to upgrade it and then downgrade it. I thought I needed plugins, then I thought I didn’t, and then everything went higgly-piggly. But the dust has settled, and while I’m not happy with how it turned out, at least we’re functional again.

January has been interesting, to say the least. Just this week I got turned onto Gretchen Rubin’s The Four Tendencies. It turns out I’m a Questioner, which isn’t what I thought I would be, but turns out to make a lot of sense. What I’ve been labeling as “autistic inertia” can also be seen as “analysis paralysis.” What I’m exploring now is how to make use of this new insight.

As a Questioner, I’m prone to paralysis, like Mom was. It’s better not to do anything than to do the wrong thing. That’s kind of a crappy way to live, but Mom seemed to like it. I don’t. I don’t feel good being denied what I wanted to do because I couldn’t figure out the optimal way to do, instead of just doing it.

I’ve been thinking again about making a gaming frame for real life, ie, applying some of the mechanics of the game such as random events that might make things easier. I guess I’m actually thinking of role-playing games, old pen and paper games. When you can’t choose a game to play, make a table of your favorite games, and roll the dice. Accept the result and move on.

Maybe that was part of what was so freeing about role-playing games, was that I had to make a decision and move on. I could take a little time to think about my next action, but the group was waiting for me, so I had to make a decision relatively quickly. No time to be stuck. But when I went to pick the hobby back up later as an adult, I found myself completely stuck.

Back to being a Questioner: if this holds true, (hahahaha) then I think the problem with my schedules and plans is that I don’t buy into them. I’m writing it down, but I’m not sure it needs to be done, and then it doesn’t get done. In order for it to get done, I need to believe it needs to get done. What can I do to get myself to commit to the things that I can cognitively say need to be done today if I don’t feel in my gut like they actually do?