My Stuff
I’m apparently writing. I ate some food late, and while I was cooking, I was pacing. I was thinking, I was writing. I seem to burning a little brightly right now; that may explain the frustration. I guess. I’m not sure about that, but maybe the burning somehow
My Stuff
I think maybe I wanted to note that I feel like I made it through this time, but the thing is, I didn’t take the monotropic tunnel. I thought it would be a lot of letting go of the rope, but I had tied that in my mind to
My Stuff
Part of squaring the circle is coming back into the world. To be honest, it’s been really quiet here. The boys were here a lot over the summer, but now school’s back in session, and there are more hours to fill. I’ve been trying to find something
Autism
I wrote some blog posts yesterday; one was accidentally a “it gets better” post, while the other was about coding. They’re both sitting in drafts up on Wordpress, waiting for me to finish them up. The it gets better one was supposed to be about writing on the blog,
Autism
When things are ok, I think about checking in here. I’m still not sure what purpose this space serves, but I’ve been pondering that for a while. I’ve had a presence on the Web for about as long as it has been around, but mostly because it
Autism
Yesterday was pretty rough. I burned myself pretty badly emotionally, thinking about the day I moved out from the house, and after I dropped off Whit last night, I couldn’t bear to look in the windows as I went back down the driveway and by the time I reached
My Stuff
Recovering is weird, especially as it reveals how bad things were and for how long. Peter keeps drawing me back to 1982, 1983. Sixth grade, I turned 12 halfway through. When Peter says he wants to go home, that’s what he means. He wants to go back to his
Autism
Finally got some mounting putty. Really felt like the universe was against me on this one. Three separate stores were out of stock on mounting putty. Finally swung into an office supply store parking lot on a wild tear, and yes, they had it. The coda is that I found
My Stuff
There was something I was going to say, sorry, lost my voice there for a while. Mistrust my voice now. The voice is the voice of the mask. You can hear it in the words, the tone. The mask is friendly, but authoritative. That’s our fear now. Writing leads
Autism
Black air and seven seas all rotten through But what can you do? I don’t know how I’m meant to act with all of you lot. Sometimes I don’t try I just now now now now now now now now now now now Now now now now
My Stuff
Something that I’ve been wrestling with lately is the need for other people. It’s probably not the best lesson to draw from the past couple of years, but I don’t really trust myself around other people now. I don’t know who to be, so I’ll
My Stuff
“And how does an Obliger meet an inner expectation? By creating outer accountability. Once Obligers realize that outer accountability is the crucial missing element, the solution is very straightforward and easy to supply.” I noted a while ago that I only seem to get things done when I have a